Cool Green Comfort
by Kosiah
Summary: My take on the Mass Effect 3 ending. No cupcakes.


"It's beautiful," EDI said, emerging from the wreck of the Normandy to stand beside Joker.

Joker slipped a hand around her waist, smiling. They'd been dead for sure, racing the mass relays' doom, before he'd swung the ship around, straight into the atmosphere of the nearest G-class he could find. Normandy was toast. She'd never fly again, but her pilot didn't seem phased. Behind them, Traynor-_no, Samantha, call me Samantha, ma'am, and we both laughed, because I kept forgetting, we kept laughing because the whole situation, everything was absurd-__Samantha_ emerged too, blinking bright in the green-hued sun.

Samantha's eyes, like EDI's and Joker's were a piercing, luminescent green. "Beautiful," she echoed. _Did she look sad? Even a little?_ Birds or something like birds sang, somewhere in the leaves. There was no sign of sentient habitation, no sign of anything manufactured by organic or synthetic life except the crew of the Normandy and their wrecked ship. This world had been shaped by a more omnipotent architect, if one believed in such things. An architect of the infinite, of glorious chaos, unfettered life.

_Eden._ Not Prime, just the place. A child's Bible story she'd learned in the creche, before she split and joined the Tenth Street Reds, before that last arrest that led to the recruiter and the service, which ended her up on Akuze, and rebooted everything. Before Janey the Roller became Ensign, Lieutenant, Captain, Commander, Spectre Shepard. Just Shepard. Just a name, a legend, a hope. A prayer.

_Sometimes that's easier than being real. Prayers don't fuck up._

"We should set up camp." Doctor Chawas and Allers had emerged from the ship as well. _Who else? Who else made it out?_ "It'll be dark soon."

"I'm a colony kid," Allers tugged the hem of her absurd dress. "I know how to set a perimeter, if you need one."

"Good idea." Chawas glanced back behind them. "You set the perimeter. I'll get us some drinks."

"Gravity's not bad," Joker sat down awkwardly on a piece of the fuselage. "Why don't I sit here and bleed while you ladies light a fire or something."

"Are you injured?" EDI looked worried.

He smiled softly at her, the smile Shepard had never seen him use on anyone else. "Only when I laugh."

"Nice flying, funny man." Alenko limped, just a little. He pushed past Chawas and emerged into the verdant world. Part of his jacket was scorched and blackened. "Thought we were dead for sure."

"What the hell happened out there?" Vega and Cortez were behind him, followed by Garrus and Wrex and Anderson-

_Wait. _

_No. Something's wrong.  
_

_The beam of light sank into the sky over London like a beacon, like a prize, like a weapon. The reaper's red eye pulsed, dull shockwave building, and Shepard tried not to die. She dove and ducked._

_Alenko fell. Maybe he was dead, but she couldn't stop, you never stopped. That was the thing, even if you were the only one left you could never just stop. Behind her, another fucking banshee screamed. They never stopped either, these pieces of flesh that had once been human, turian, asari, salarian, krogan. If Alenko wasn't dead yet, he would be soon if he didn't get up, but he had to get up, she couldn't think about him right now. Couldn't think about how it hadn't worked out between them, any more than she could think of Tray-_Samantha, call me Samantha or Sam or anything you want, just call-_-or dead kids, or empty promises you made when the world was going to end. When the world ends, you don't think at all you move. You keep moving or you die, and so Shepard did, she kept moving straight on towards the beam._

_One second Vega was on her left and then he was gone too. No time to think about it, because the red eye pulsed again and she jumped, she dove and ducked. Then a vise clamped down on her leg, and she fell down.  
_

_She fell down. Fell inglorious to the ground.  
_

Rationally, Shepard knew. She knew it didn't make sense, but, in the absence of pain, the absence of light, the cessation of all sensation, hallucinations were all she had left. Maybe this was the future the child-reaper had promised. Maybe it had all really happened. Maybe-

_Maybe they did make it out. Maybe Cortez got the shuttle moving and picked them up. Maybe they evacced before the relays blew-_

How long had she been unconscious in the Citadel's charnel pit? No way to tell.

Had she really been unconscious in the Citadel's charnel pit? She'd gotten up, staggered towards the shining beam of light and-

_Maybe it was enough. Maybe._

She wanted them to be alive. Happy. All of them with those strange green eyes. Did they know what had happened? Did they know they'd been merged? Was the script to their unity written in their minds as well as their DNA? _How does that work? How can that work? Is this what God is? Is this the work of a god or is it mine? Is it real? Am I real? Am I really a god, did this really happen?_

Tali and Jack-_When had they picked up Jack again? _Liara and Mordin. _But Mordin's-didn't he die? _Eve and Samarra. And Wiliams._ Williams? Impossible. No. But maybe? Everyone comes back in heaven._

_Maybe this is heaven._

The small clearing in the jungle was getting crowded now with all of the friends she'd saved. Legion's snout swiveled towards Jacob, who was laughing at something Miranda had said. Her salurian doctor hummed under his breath, singing the same song she'd heard when he cured the genophage. Anderson smiled and raised a glass. The green-eyed blonde kid kicked a ball.

_Mass relays are down. That'll make things hard for a while. But you'll work it out._ _You're a tough crew, my crew. And you're__ not dead. None of you are dead in heaven._ Did Traynor look sad? Alenko? Did any of them miss her? _I saved you. I'm sorry, but at least I saved you all-_

Cool, green comfort, in the absence of anything.

* * *

"This one might have a shot."

"You want to lift it all the way back to medical?" A female voice laughed sharply. "Leave the stiff. Grab all the ords you can find. We don't have much time."

"Not in charge, Rodriguez. I don't care how talented you are." Male voice, sounding annoyed. "Look at the armor. That fucking insignia "

Something lifted off Kaidan's chest. Easier to breathe. Light, filtered by smoke broke over his face and two goggled faces peered down at his. Young faces. Nothing more than kids.

"N-7? The fuck?" The girl frowned down at him. "That's her crew, right?"

"Tat on our boss's ass don't lie." The boy ensign by the bars on his battered rack slapped a medigel against Kaidan's side. "This must be where they made the final run. Jacqueline said it was this sector."

"Call her that to her face next time," the girl-Rodriguz-snorted. "You look cute bruised."

"Boss said " the kid continued, "Someone had to ride the conduit to the Citadel. Activate the crucible. Stop the reapers."

_Shepard did that already._ Kaidan's mind was fuzzy. _Shepard stopped them. She always comes through. The one thing you can count on in this crazy galaxy. Her. Count on Jane._

"Yeah," the girl muttered. "Stop the reapers." Her face peered down at Kaidan. Dark hair, eyes covered by a goggle array, but she was young. Too young for this. And familiar. He knew that, just couldn't place where. "Can you hear me, sir? We're going to get you out. Hold tight, okay?"

Kaidan stared up the sky, mostly obscured by smoke. His eyes felt dry and gritty. He couldn't feel his legs at all. And his head pounded, pain twisting in time with the agonizing one in his right side. He tried to move his mouth, answer her, but all that came out was a wheeze.

"Maybe it's still warming up. Maybe this is what's supposed to happen, it-maybe she did it already and it just takes time..." The boy's voice broke off. "Oh, no. Fuck."

"What is it now, Prangley?" Rodriguez sounded tired.

"Two more over here. Not breathing. They-" The boy's voice cracked. "I think one of them's Shepard."

_Impossible,_ Kaidan thought. _Jane always comes through._ His head hurt. His head really hurt. Black spots in front of his eyes. He couldn't feel his legs.

"Fuck." The girl pushed the goggles off her face, and then Kaidan recognized her. Grissom Academy. One of Jack's students. But they'd been stationed with the Auxiliary and this was a front line. Wasn't it? Wasn't it? So if Aux were here that either meant the line had moved or-

Or it was all over. They'd won._ She did it. Of course she did. Jane always comes through. She'd damn well better._

"I can lift two," the girl said. She'd been a cocky kid before. Now she sounded very, very young. "You carry her, Jason. I can lift the other two."

_I can-_ "I-I can walk. " His voice felt rusty, and it was all bravado. Kaidan couldn't walk, couldn't feel his legs but somehow he managed to twist his head to one side. Nausea bubbled up in his gut. _She died before and it didn't mean anything. The stuff Cerberus put into her when they remade her, it made her tough. Too tough to kill and she can't be dead. She's not dead, the Reapers are._

"I can walk," he repeated._  
_

The girl's hand brushed his cheek, turning his head back. "Beg pardon, sir, I don't think so." She paused. "Sorry I called you a stiff earlier."

"EMT pulse won't last forever," the boy_-Jason-_Kaidan remembered, _Ensign Jason Prangley._ "They'll be back. Move."

Psychic energy swam around Kaidan's body as Rodriguez's biotics lifted him into the air. Beside him, Vega was already floating. Most of him. Left leg was gone at the hip just gone. Even pressurized combat armor couldn't stop an amputation, although it might keep you alive. For a while. _Must have taken a while for him to die._ Kaidan wondered how long they'd been out.

_"It's our planet, sir." Vega must really want it if he was calling her sir. The kid never knew when to show the proper respect. "I want to save it too."_

_Kaidan watched her, watched that internal calculus going on behind her oblique green eyes. Who was efficient? Who was expendable? Who could get the job done?  
_

_"We've all lost something," Garrus muttered. Tali rested a hand on his arm. EDI tilted her head to one side, as if trying to understand a code that wasn't written in circuits._

_"Kaidan and Vega. With me," Shepard said. Her hand twisted the cartridge of her power cell into her rifle, fiddling with the scope again. A soldier's nervous tic. "The rest of you, get in position and report to Allied Command until this is through. She smiled faintly, looking past them, looking to that kid who kept her calendar. Her voice was cool and assured. "See you on the other side."_

_Vega let out a whoop, leaning back in his chair with a cocky grin. Kaidan wanted to tell him it wasn't going to be glory and sunshine, not to be such a kiss-ass, but that wasn't his assignment._

Now Kaidan bobbed in the air as the battlefield went past. He still couldn't feel his legs. His eyes stung, and everything stank like ashes and death. He turned his head again, trying to look behind them and then hope died.

She was nestled like a too-tall child in Ensign Prangley's arms, hair a bright flame against a gray face. Her eyes were closed, and there was a horrible wound in her gut that Kaidan didn't want to see. He'd seen enough corpses. Had the implants to expand his senses. Kaidan tilted his head back to look at the sky-look anywhere else. Anywhere but here. Above them the Citadel hung open like a dark flower above the earth, backlit by a strange light that burned his eyes. The world around them was a wasteland of death and shattered buildings, unrecognizable as a city. He'd seen plenty of places like this, but he'd never expected any of them to be home.

"Reapers?" The word came out a croak.

Rodriguez walked beside him, hands extended, face tight with the strain of sustaining her biotics. Her smile twisted. Wrong on her kid face. "Don't worry, sir. We'll get them. I promise."

* * *

a/n My version of the indoctrination ending. Honestly, I don't get the hysteria about the ME3 ending. In some ways, what could happen next is wide open. Anyone could be a hero.

And after all, isn't this how heroes are born?


End file.
